French [Milque]toast - Bachelorette Recap!

Welcome back, Rose Enthusiasts! Not going to lie, I totally enjoyed last week's Hillary-induced break from this craziness. But, alas, not all reprieves can last forever, and we have roses to hand out and hearts to break! So let's get to it.

This week's stop on the tour is Marseille, France, which, according to Andi is, "the perfect place to fall in love." Um, I hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but a vacant lot could be the perfect place to fall in love as long as you have enough ABC-purchased booze and some candles.

"I want my skirt back"
- A California Raisin 

First up, we have a pre-date interview with our fearless host, Chris Harrison, who comes right out and asks Andi if she is falling in love with any of the guys. Andi's reply? "Staaaahp!" Like he was supposed to ask her about her visit to the Suave Professionals Salon? Please. On a similar note, anyone seen this work of brilliance? Also, what in the actual heck was up with Andi's skirt? Not a good look for anybody.

 It's the usual schedule this week, two one-on-one dates and a group date. Of course, the first one-on-one is going to Josh, who I am surprised hadn't gotten a date sooner. Maybe there wasn't one mind-numbing enough to put him on yet? The date card arrives and it is all in French, which I can only assume means that, roughly translated, it says, "Who cares? Let's make out!" since that's what all of the dates have been devolving into. 

Make Mine Music (Stop!) - Bachelorette Week 3!

Greetings Rose Enthusiasts! I have returned from my excursion on the East Coast visiting the prodigal John and just in time for the two-night Bachelorette extravaganza! 

Rather than take the time to recap all of last week (which I subjected my family to while on vacation - sorry not sorry, guys), I'll just highlight a couple of thoughts. 

1) What in the actual heck is Bachelor Gives Back actually giving back to? For all of the talk that the stripping was for charity, I would love to actually know that they raised money (what looked like a good $20) for an actual charity and not something like, I dunno, STD screenings for the contestants or penis pumps for the elderly. Or really, was it not enough just to have them stripping? Did they have to attach a moral to it? I like my reality shows completely devoid of life-checking moments, thank you very much. 

2) As much as it pains me not to have recapped Craig's drunken soujourn into the pool, I think my grandpa summed it up nicely when he said, "Craig has shown his true colors. If [Andi] gives him a rose, she's an a--hole." Hear, hear, Grandpa. And she didn't pick him, so I guess, for now, Andi gets a pass (at least in the 80+ Italian men demographic).