So, I am trying my hand at live blogging the Oscars tonight. More than anything to stave off boredom during the telecast. Newest at the top.
9:45: And so we come to an end! Thanks for reading along (mom!).
9:40: Break out the Kleenex for PS22.
9:37: And the Best Picture winners are being cut off? Poor form!
9:35: THE KING'S SPEECH WINS!!!!
9:31: Steven Spielberg is here to present the award for Best Picture. Finally. We are at the end. If The King's Speech doesn't win, I'll throw my wine glass at the TV.
9:24: Ah, Colin Firth. You handsome devil. "I have a feeling my career has just peaked," quips the classy winner. Maybe he and Sandra Bullock could team up next year?
9:22: Let's go Colin Firth!
9:19: Sandra Bullock is added to the list of people who should have hosted.
9:18: And Natalie Portman went on forever. She should have thanked America for tolerating her all these years. And apologized for Star Wars.
9:11: Time for Best Actress. I hope you have something good to say, Natalie Portman!
9:07: Eli Wallach looks better at 95 than half the people in the theater.
9:02: Tom Hooper wins!!! A minor upset. I thought for sure Fincher would win.
9:01: Hilary Swank came out to introduce Katheryn Bigelow . . and now they are presenting together. Weird. And it's time for best director already? Sheesh.
8:55: And Lena Horne gets a special tribute because she's black.
8:51: Celine Dion. Looks like it's time for my favorite part - In Memorium.
8:45: Randy Newman wins! "I don't want to thank these people. I want to be good television so badly. They can't find a fifth song somewhere?"
8:43: Gwyneth is country music's newest star? A bit presumptuous, don't you think?
8:40: James Franco is about as exciting as a high school graduation.
8:31: The Social Network wins for editing. Meh. Category is a joke since Inception wasn't nominated.
8:26: Billy Crystal, ladies and gentlemen! I miss this guy.
8:25: I should be grading papers.
8:20: Inside Job wins. Looks like something I'd disagree with.
8:18: Oprah presents documentary nominees. I think the only one I saw was Exit Through the Giftshop. Where's my iPad, Oprah?
8:17: Autotune wins! Best montage of the night. "He doesn't own a shirt!"
8:15: How old is this guy who just won? Honestly. "I should have gotten a haircut," he declares. Agreed. The fro is not a good look, bro.
8:11: And the Oscar goes to blah blah blah short film.
8:03: I love this song from Tangled.
8:02: Could use those sound mixers to mix the sound now. Poor job in the booth, folks. Can't hear Randy Newman at all.
8:00: Who did they pay to say 8 Mile was a good song? My favorite movie song? "A Whole New World."
7:58: Alice in Wonderland rightfully wins costume design. I would give this woman a poor grade in my class on her lack of eye contact. Ben Stein is more interesting.
7:55: Makeup awards. Cate Blanchett's dress looks like the side of a Faberge egg. Only with nipples. Wear a bra, girlfriend.
7:54: I'm convinced James Franco is high as the Goodyear blimp.
7:53: I'm obsessed with Marisa Tomei's dress. But honestly, I can't see her without thinking about Seinfeld.
7:50: Time for more wine.
7:47: Andy Serkis!? Is that you?
7:46: Inception wins for sound. How exactly do you judge sound mixing? Anyone? Someone explain this to me.
7:44: Salt got nominated for something? That was the worst movie I saw all year.
7:43: How do I know these things? Trent Reznor, good thing your name is Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails.
7:40: Was True Grit nominated in this category? I LOVED that score. I bet Trent Reznor wins for name recognition.
7:39: Some Aussie love for Hugh Jackman and Nicole Kidman, here to present the award for Original Score?
7:38: ABC and Academy commercial. These two are about as exciting as watching someone else play video games.
7:33: Drink up for the first tearful breakdown of the evening!
7:29: Christian Bale wins! Is it bad that I didn't know he's British?
7:28: Reese Witherspoon looks stunning and is delivering the best supporting actor award. Money's on Christian Bale. Geoffrey Rush, you win in my heart!
7:27: #Inabetterworld, I would have seen these films. Do you see what I did there?
7:25: Cheers for Russell Brand and Dame Helen Mirren (the classiest woman alive). They are presenting best foreign language film. Didn't see any of them except Biutiful.
7:23: "On my oooooown, cause someone's a Hugh Jackass . . ." belts Anne Hathaway in the first true LOL of the night. She should totally be hosting by herself.
7:18: "My father always said to me I would be a late bloomer" says David Seidler. Oh, how I wish writers hosted everything.
7:17: And The King's Speech picks up its first win of the night!
7:16: Original screenplay. I'm rooting for Inception, but who knows who'll win.
7:13: Yeah. Aaron Sorkin, The Social Network. Let's all add him on Facebook!
7:12: Adapted screenplay. Aaron Sorkin is clearly going to win.
7:12: Josh Brolin and Javier Bardem. It's a No Country For Old Men reunion! I didn't know Javier Bardem spoke English. Is that racist? They appear to be dressed for their twinsies waiter act.
7:06: And the best animated short film is . . . Toy Story 3! No surprise there. Honestly, I cried so much watching that movie that I'm never watching it again.
7:02: Sounds like a lot of liberal crap in these short films. Only one I've seen is "Day and Night"
7:01: Ah. Animated short film.
7:00: Here's Mila Kunis and JT to present something.
7:00: "It's the young and hip Oscars!" quips Anne Hathaway. Congratuf******lations, Melissa Leo!
6:57: Even though she took out those unclassy ads, Melissa Leo manages to be almost classy. Nevermind. Drink one for the first bleeped swear word of the night.
6:56: And Douglas is dragging it out. Adorable. Honestly. I love this guy. And the winner is . . . Melissa Leo! Toldja.
6:53: Supporting actress time. I say it goes to Melissa Leo, but no doubt Hailee Steinfeld and Helena Bonham Carter deserve it more.
6:51: Kirk Douglas proves that even a stroke victim can have major personality. No wonder he was such an incredible actor.
6:50: How did they prop Kirk Douglas up!?
6:48: No such luck. Thanks for the brevity.
6:46: Cinematography winner - Inception. I sincerely hope the acceptance speech includes something about dreams coming true.
6:44: Winner - Alice in Wonderland. No surprise really. "Why didn't I lose that 20 lbs" says the winner. LOL.
6:43: Here's Tom Hanks to present the award for art direction. I actually saw all of these films.
6:40 PM: Only took ten minutes to make a Marky-Mark reference. Definitely not the funniest opening monologue ever. But it'll do.
6:39 PM: Hathaway has personality for days. Franco . . . not so much.
6:36 PM: Love Anne Hathaway's dress.
6:33 PM: James Franco under that bear suit! Excellent. "The naked girl from Love and Other Drugs and the guy from General Hospital" narrates Morgan Freeman. Ouch.
6:31 PM: Nice intro with all of the best picture nominees. GO King's Speech!!