Friday, June 24, 2011
Recently, my friend Amy Gallagher and I saw the movie Submarine, a British film about a kid navigating his parents' marital difficulties and his first relationship. On the whole, really enjoyed the movie. Highly recommend it if you like quirky, awkward, Michael Cera-like acting with an indie soundtrack. However, this film was another installment in a series of movies I've seen in which the main girl is supposed to be quirky, but, in fact, if anyone were to act that way in real life, would be a psycho (and certainly not dating!). And yet, in the movie, the guy is attracted to the girl's weirdness, and they live happily and weirdly ever after. Where is this actually happening in real life? Nowhere.
Exhibit A - Ally Sheedy's character, The Breakfast Club
She is affectionately referred to as "the basket case" when the Breakfast Club is discussed, and, make no mistake, she lives up to the name. I'm sorry, but every time I see her "snow" her picture with her own dandruff, it releases disgust previously tethered. There is a reason she gets a makeover in the movie - she's a freak! But her freakishness doesn't stop Emilio Estevez (the Jock) from wanting to jump her by the end. Let me just say that in real life, if anyone was shaking their own dandruff all over the place, the last thing they would be doing is having sex. They'd be institutionalized.
Exhibit B - Charlene Yi. Movie: Paper Heart
I can't tell if Charlene Yi is a SPED or not. And that's in real life and in this movie. Seriously. Not a good sign. I mean, I know she gets with Michael Cera in the movie, who is also a weirdo (do not get me started on not understanding the appeal of his schtick anymore), but it is widely known that people like Michael Cera (who, incidentally, is playing himself in the movie) can easily date UP. Otherwise, how would his characters in movies be dating people way more attractive than he is? She stumbles and stutters and gives weirdo looks at the camera during the whole movie. There is just no way anyone could find this attractive in real life. Well. Maybe at Comic-Con?
Exhibit C - Yasmin Paige's character, Jordana, in Submarine
Ok. I DO. NOT. GET. THIS. Jordana, in the movie, is a self-proclaimed pyromaniac, who spends most of the movie bullying, verbally abusing and staring sardonically at the other characters. She's smug. And she - get this - burns the leg hair off of her boyfriend. As in sets it on fire. And everyone is ok with this and thinks it's super attractive. She has two or three boyfriends throughout the movie. Now say I was at a gathering, armed with a lighter, and approached various males and attempted to burn shapes in their leg hair. I'm pretty sure this wouldn't be well received. Do you know why? Because it's weird.
What do we learn from this? I'm not sure. But the word needs to be out there that these are not socially acceptable behaviors and are not going to help you land a quirky, awkward man. I don't care how quirky or awkward he is. He could be Data from Star Trek (he's an android, for all of you non-Trekkies out there) and it wouldn't matter. No one thinks these things are attractive. Don't do them in real life.