Destination: Detonate

Remember that episode of The Office where Michael and Dwight are testing the capacity of a trampoline by throwing watermelons off the roof of the Dunder-Mifflin offices only to have one of the melons explode with intensity all over Stanley’s Cadillac? Well, Bones fans, I couldn’t get that image out of my head as we watched Gravedigger Heather Taffet’s head burst like a tick in flames all over the front of the supreme court building. Like, whoa! It was amazing. Great job, Bones CGI crew. Great effing job. Wow. I loved it.

And this brings us the first discussion point of last night’s fabulous episode “The Bullet in the Brain.” What did you think of Heather Taffet’s sendoff? Were you uneasy, like Angela, or overjoyed like Hodgins? I, for one, thought it was pitch perfect. I mean, nobody wanted to see the woman get lethal injection, did they?

So let’s talk about the case. Basically, a lot of talking to figure out that Jacob Broadsky (excellent serial killer name, played by The Mummy’s Arnold Voosloo, a veteran TV baddie), an off-the-grid sniper, is going after our man, Booth. Easily the most exciting thing about the episode was the great chase scene between the two men, which involved a ruggedly handsome Booth sprinting through beautiful woods after Broadsky and culminating in a killer explosion of Broadsky’s trailer along with all of the evidence to tie him to Taffet’s murder. I, for one, am so excited to see how this story plays out, considering Booth’s sniper past. I mean, this guy has been described as the anti-Booth, and I can see why. Booth always tries to do the right thing, and this guy thinks he’s doing the right thing, but is demented. And, how is this going to bring Booth and Brennan together? I can’t wait to find out!

And, while we’re on the subject, what about Booth and Bones in this episode? In a season that has been, to put it nicely, wildly uneven, I thought this was back to the old routine. I’m sure it had nothing to do with a lack of my least favorite character, “GIRLFRIEND GIRL!” Nothing at all. Brennan’s storyline in this episode revolved around convincing Booth that her father, Max, was not a suspect in the Gravedigger’s offing. This concluded with a really “Awww” inducing scene between Brennan and Max that involved him giving her a shell and telling her to listen to the ocean, like, presumably, he did when she was young, and Booth looking in the window at Brennan with repressed longing. It was frickin beautiful. Has anyone else noticed that Brennan is really saying what she feels a lot more this season? The first thing she told Booth when she arrived at the crime scene was “I’m so glad you’re ok.” Atta girl, Brennan! Such great character development.

As far as the rest of the team in the episode, the standout storyline was that of Sweets, who was having troubles dealing with what Heather Taffet had taunted him with minutes before she died. John Francis Daley did a great job this week. He really showed Sweets’s vulnerability, and it was nice to see how all of the other characters have taken to him, all of them checking on him to see if he’s ok. I also love that it was resident hard-A, Caroline who snapped Sweets out of his funk. Good, good stuff.

So, what did you think of “The Bullet in the Brain?” Are you on board with the sniper storyline? Can you just not wait for the great dumping of Hannah to take place so we can all get on with our lives? Hit me up, let me know.

Surplus

It was announced yesterday that overrated famed director James Cameron will be producing two sequels to Avatar, scheduled for release in 2012 and 2013. As this news scrolled across my screen, I thought to myself,

"WHY!?!?!"

I have said for a long time that film is dead, and this is further proof. WHY DOES EVERYTHING NEED A SEQUEL? I know, I know. Money. It's what the people want! Better to make a guaranteed cash cow even if it is of lesser quality than churn out anything new that maybe someone won't want to watch. This is supposed to be conducive to great work?

What the film industry needs is a little something I like to call "showmanship." Go out on top, leave them wanting more.

Here are a few examples of things that needed to die long before they actually did:

1) Pirates of the Caribbean. Does anyone even remember what happened in the second and third movies except that they sat in the theatre for an exorbitant amount of time with no plot payoff? Yeah. Me either.

2) Sex and the City. I can't even begin to describe how offensively awful Sex and the City 2 was. Samantha rubbing testosterone on herself? Too far, ladies. Too far.

3) Saw. This needs no explanation.

4) The Land Before Time. I'm pretty sure the dinosaurs were extinct in a shorter amount of time than it took this straight-to-video sequel train to crash. This goes from simply wanting to make money to being downright shameless about getting it.

5) Shrek. Admittedly, I'm a little biased on this one, because I hated the first movie, but Shrek and Fiona's vomiting ogre babies just seems to be a little too much.

Unfortunately, no one listens to me, and this is what we have to look forward to from Hollywood.

Men in Black III. Seriously? Will Smith is arguably the biggest movie star on the planet. Why revisit something that wore out its welcome last time around?

Austin Powers 4. This makes a clear statement about Mike Myers's current career crisis.

Pirates of the Caribbean 4. Let's hope this installment is more comprehensible than the second and third, but I'm not holding my breath.

My advice? Read a book.

Slow Burning

Ok, Bones enthusiasts, our favorite duo is back in action tomorrow night after the winter hiatus. It goes without saying that I am beside myself with anticipation, mostly because we left B&B in such a dark place. I would be woefully dishonest if I didn't admit that I sunk into my couch and wept at Brennan's pleading with Booth to give her another shot, and Booth's subsequent rejection. It's ok, Brennan! You will find love again!

And that is where we find our topic for today. If Booth and Brennan are not in a committed relationship by the end of this season, I will be finding something else to obsess over faster than you can say "poor storytelling!" Let's look at the facts. This story has been told so poorly, this may be the only way to salvage the season.

It's not that I think B&B should have been together sooner, it's the way they have forced Booth into this relationship with Hannah, and then completely underdeveloped her character that I find unacceptable. For example, when Jim and Karen were together on The Office before Jim and Pam got together, we got to see how their relationship began and at least understood where their chemistry was (much like Brennan's relationship with Agent Sully in season 2). I mean, the fact that we missed the beginning of Booth's relationship with Hannah makes it almost impossible to even remotely consider that he could be good with her. All we saw was them having raucous sex after they were already serious, to which I say, who cares? Why is he so drawn to her? We have no idea.

So, this is what I predict will happen to get us out of this debacle:

1) Hannah finds out about B&B. She is unsettled.
2) Booth tries to hold on to Hannah for dear life, attempting to show how much he has moved on from Brennan.
3) Booth will propose to Hannah.
4) Hannah will say no.
5) Booth will blame Brennan.
6) Booth and Brennan resume their slow burn and are together in time for May sweeps.

This is my word. Let it be written.

Do you agree?

Jump the Shark

I love Glee. Or should I say loved Glee. When it premiered a year and a half ago, I thoroughly enjoyed the seamless blending of humor, music and drama. The jokes were dialogue driven and funny, the music enhanced the plot and the characters seemed believable. It continued to be an enjoyable hour of television through its first 12 episodes, and I proclaimed GleeK love for life. And then it happened.

The show got popular. Now it's a mess, demonstrating that inflated creative freedom has done nothing but allow it to indulge its worst instincts.

First of all, WAY too much emphasis is being placed on Kurt. Yes. Kurt is gay. The problem is, nobody cares that Kurt is gay. Kurt's dad loves his gay son. And yet! Nobody cares that Kurt's dad loves his gay son. Or at least, people might care more if it wasn't jammed down our throats like bad cold medicine week after week after week. Ryan Murphy, I suggest you go to counseling and deal with your own "being gay" issues, rather than make them the forefront of what is supposed to be an ensemble show, not the Kurt Hummel Struggles with his Homosexuality Hour.

Second of all, since the show's production budget has increased exponentially, the amount of musical numbers has increased along with it. Too much of a good thing? Absolutely. In the first 12 episodes, there were, on average, three or four songs a show. Now it's five or six, with one being a massive, over-produced stage number. That's not to say that they aren't well done. The singing is still good, the arrangements are still good, the coreography is still good. The problem is that the plot isn't. There has been NO PLOT that I can discern during the last 8 episodes (Kurt is gay!). And with the lack of plot, the characters have simply been reduced to puffed up caricatures, being brought out and put back simply to say one or two lines an episode that are immediately drowned out by some unnecessary musical number. Hint to producers: use the songs to ENHANCE the plot, not drive it.

Don't even get me started on the tribute episodes, which are becoming more and more difficult to take. Along with Madonna, Britney Spears (easily one of the worst episodes of the show) and Rocky Horror, the cast will be taking on Michael Jackson and, JUSTIN BIEBER!?!? WHAT!? If we are going to have to sit through these ridiculous self-indulgent episodes, at least pay tribute to real artists who have some longevity. But, alas, this is becoming the trend with the song selection on the show. They began with 70s-80s hits and showtunes, with the occasional top 40 song thrown in, which was awesome. It exposed the new generations to great music and artistry. I'm sorry but my radio is already polluted enough with the likes of Bruno Mars and Rihanna. We don't need any more of that on TV!

In short, Glee has gone from being fresh and humorous to being strident, mawkish, preachy, and self-congratulatory. In other words, it kind of makes my skin crawl. With the lack of truly creative entertainment out there, this is a sore disappointment.