Tuesday, January 25, 2011


It was announced yesterday that overrated famed director James Cameron will be producing two sequels to Avatar, scheduled for release in 2012 and 2013. As this news scrolled across my screen, I thought to myself,


I have said for a long time that film is dead, and this is further proof. WHY DOES EVERYTHING NEED A SEQUEL? I know, I know. Money. It's what the people want! Better to make a guaranteed cash cow even if it is of lesser quality than churn out anything new that maybe someone won't want to watch. This is supposed to be conducive to great work?

What the film industry needs is a little something I like to call "showmanship." Go out on top, leave them wanting more.

Here are a few examples of things that needed to die long before they actually did:

1) Pirates of the Caribbean. Does anyone even remember what happened in the second and third movies except that they sat in the theatre for an exorbitant amount of time with no plot payoff? Yeah. Me either.

2) Sex and the City. I can't even begin to describe how offensively awful Sex and the City 2 was. Samantha rubbing testosterone on herself? Too far, ladies. Too far.

3) Saw. This needs no explanation.

4) The Land Before Time. I'm pretty sure the dinosaurs were extinct in a shorter amount of time than it took this straight-to-video sequel train to crash. This goes from simply wanting to make money to being downright shameless about getting it.

5) Shrek. Admittedly, I'm a little biased on this one, because I hated the first movie, but Shrek and Fiona's vomiting ogre babies just seems to be a little too much.

Unfortunately, no one listens to me, and this is what we have to look forward to from Hollywood.

Men in Black III. Seriously? Will Smith is arguably the biggest movie star on the planet. Why revisit something that wore out its welcome last time around?

Austin Powers 4. This makes a clear statement about Mike Myers's current career crisis.

Pirates of the Caribbean 4. Let's hope this installment is more comprehensible than the second and third, but I'm not holding my breath.

My advice? Read a book.

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