Dear Pandora,

As a faithful consumer of your online radio service (and a huge fan of the wide variety of Hanson, Goo Goo Dolls and Matchbox Twenty songs that can be played in such fabulous succession), it is such a shame that I have had my ears assaulted by your choice of advertisements.

This afternoon, as I sat at my desk, grading essays on the various manifestations of racism in To Kill a Mockingbird, and listening to the gritty fabulousness that is Rob Thomas’s voice, I was startled by a sultry woman’s voice coming from my computer speakers. Had I accidently broken my school’s no porn filter and come across some sort of sex site? Was the voice there to deliver a message? No. It was your ad for “AdamandEve.com’s Big O gel.” As much as I am in favor of the pursuit of sexual satisfaction within marriage, I am not married, and thus, do not need, nor want to be pursued by photos of scantily clad women enticing me to purchase some sort of foul stimulating gel. Not to mention, that in my role as an elementary school teacher, it would be extremely inappropriate for anyone to come upon me in my classroom listening to or viewing such filth.

I understand targeted advertising and its use of “cookies”, and, were I visiting filthy sites on my work computer, the appearance of this woman’s “cookies” would be more understandable. However, as that is not the case, I would like a detailed explanation for how I was chosen. Am I listening to songs about “bitches and hos?” No. Is my Pandora station the all-Ludacris channel? Negative. Enlighten me, please.

Please remove me from your list of “dirty people.”

Kisses, Julie Cunningham