Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Oh my blessed, it's Sean Lowe.

I love The Bachelor. Like really, really love it. As you all know, I have . . . lovingly teased (?) the show for a long time. Season 24 (brought to you by the Bowflex), premiered last night, and let me just say, it looks promising, even if there is no way that the girls pushed Tierra down the stairs like the producers would like us to believe.

Without recapping the whole show, here are some highlights of the premiere:

1) Sean and Arie's bromance. Clearly, if they filled five minutes of airtime with this little segment, the girls must not be that crazy, which is too bad, but these two totally made the best of their producer-penned script. "Will YOU accept THIS rose?" Sean practices to an approving Arie. I may not get a rose, but I would accept a reality show focusing on these two (Listen up, E!)

2) There were four black girls among the pickings. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the lawsuit concerning the lack of diversity on the program that Team Bachelor dealt with over the summer. *Exaggerated wink*

3) 50 Shades Girl. Serious kudos to whoever found this wacko. In her pre-cocktail party segment, we see her reading 50 Shades of Grey under her covers (on the nose, a little, producers?) and declaring that she is going to welcome Sean into her room of pain or something. Well, at the cocktail party, our budding boudior queen gets 50 shades of wasted, and not only starts shaking her butt while Sean is talking up another girl, but also makes him uncomfortable enough to mention that he brought his rape whistle for just such an occasion. Good call, buddy. I only hope he brought some hand sanitizer and maybe some Valtrex after that little display. Not shockingly, she gets eliminated, which is, "a bit of a bumski," but I'm sure she'll live to see another night of debauchery on Bachelor Pad 4.

4) The Rose Ninjas. Sean broke away from tradition a bit, and handed out the roses throughout the night rather than in a huge processional at the rose ceremony, which, of course, everyone hated. But I loved the way the roses kept getting magically refilled, elves and the shoemaker style, the minute the camera cut away. Side note: I wonder how many roses they keep on hand to make them all look so bloody fresh?


"I can't use 'It's not you, it's me,' because it's obviously going to be them." - Sean

"Tierra walked in with a rose, and it was literally, like, an animal attack on the eyeballs." - Catherine

"I've got balls!" - wedding dress girl "Well, I hope not." - Sean

"Honestly, I wish I was more sober right now" - wedding dress girl

"That Ken doll missed out on 100 percent of this Barbie a**!" - 50 Shades Girl

And off we go on another journey! Who is in?

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