Well, well, well, Rose Enthusiasts! We have come to the end of this “journey,” (or as they are referring to it on TVLine, The Bachelor: Lummox With Increasingly Terrible Hair Makes Increasingly Terrible Decisions) and I am going to admit that I did not watch one second of the bloated finale. I have turned the TV on specifically for After the Final Rose, because, well, there was no point in sitting for two hours of garbage to watch Ben pick Courtney. Agreed? I don’t know about you, but I am ready for some serious justification and awkwardness from our two “lovers”!
Here we go, Harrison! You’re looking good. It’s two minutes in and I’m already chuckling at the fact that he has referred to whatever this is as a “joyous television event.” Good ‘ol Chris asks us to withhold our judgement, and we’re off!
We start with Ben. He is pretty short with his words at first, not really responding when Chris brings up Courtney’s generally crappy behavior, but he insists that he did listen to the other women when Chris asks him why he didn’t listen to the other women when they warned him that Courtney was bad news. Sure you did! Listen to your groin, I mean. Chris asks if Ben is embarrassed about his choices, he says no, but then goes on to say that during a period of time while the show was airing that they were essentially “broken up” due to her nastiness. Cue the audible gasp from the audience (seriously, there was an audible gasp) at this unsurprising revelation. Ben calls this the “low” of this experience. Chris brings up the photos of Ben kissing another woman in a tabloid. Ben insists it didn’t happen (the pictured audience member isn’t buying it, though). He says that he’s not kissing the women in the photos. What are you doing, then, Ben? Vomiting in their mouths like a mama duck?
Now it’s Courtney’s turn. A smattering of applause and booing takes place. She says that people’s lack of support of the relationship is depressing. She discusses, quite robotically, how upsetting it was when Ben broke up with her. Harrison asks her if she thinks Ben was supportive, and she says, to unsympathetic chuckling, that Ben abandoned her. She says that it is disappointing, but she thinks she tried to love him through his poor reaction to her jerkiness. She says that they’re together now, she thinks. Not exactly a vote of confidence. Anyone else notice that she’s whimpering, but no actual tears are coming forth?
Alright, so now, we’re bringing out Ben to sit with Courtney and we can find out exactly where the relationship stands. Oh goody. They hug awkwardly, and sigh deeply as we sit down. Chris asks where they are, and Ben says that they are in a good place. Little different than what Courtney said five minutes ago, eh, Ben? Courtney says that she can’t trust Ben completely, but that she believes in what they have. Chris asks if they have no doubts. Awkward silence. Ben dances around the question, saying that he likes Courtney’s honesty, tells her that he is not going to abandon her.
We press on, and rewatch the proposal. I fast forwarded it. Courtney pretends to emote after, and Ben tears up a little, because he is upset that everyone’s negative response to them as a couple has soiled the moment for them. And surely that has nothing to do with the fact that they are both skeeze balls and everyone knows it. Chris brings the ring back out, and asks Ben what he wants to do with the ring. Unsurprisingly, Ben puts the ring back on. There is applause, but I think they must have bribed the audience or gotten them drunk since the last commercial break. Harrison wishes them the best of luck.
Because I could not care less about Ashley and JP, I FFed their segment, and we are at the end of this journey. Count on me to blog the Courtney and Ben breakup special!