We pick up Chris's journey back in Arlington, IA, where Chris is trekking through some winter snow in an impeccably tailored pea coat using words like "unsure," "on the fence," and "50/50" to describe his current state of mind. This sounds like a man prepped for wedlock, amiright??? There's nothing more flattering than knowing that you are the lesser of two evils when having a husband choose you!
Before we get to the final dates though, Chris sits down with his family for the first time and is still a little wishy-washy when his mom asks him if he's in love. After all, it is difficult to say you're in love when you are falling in love with two different people.
|"We love Whitney!" - Chris's family|
Whitney has some alone time with the sisters, she wastes no time winning them over (picture a family floating in the air with drool coming out of their mouths at everything she says), but when the sisters sit down with Chris afterward, rather than affirming how much he enjoys Whitney, he gushes to them about how much he likes Becca. Ouch!
When Becca meets the Soules clan, the reception isn't as warm as was with Whitney. I know that we are supposed to think that Becca is awful for wanting to be sure about whether or not she's actually in love with Chris before she says she loves him or that she wants to you know, be engaged and stuff before she packs her things and moves to a midwestern wasteland, but really is that so bad? You have known this guy for six weeks, you have spent a total of what, maybe 24 hours together total in that time, and you are supposed to know that you are getting married? I am certainly not faulting Becca for being a little reserved. The sisters, on the other hand, give Chris some straight talk about Becca's reservations. Chris tells them that he didn't want to give up on Becca because he wants to sleep with her still. JK! He didn't say that, but we know that's what he meant when he said that there were a few things about Becca he still wanted to explore!
|"800 Acres!? That's at least|
eight square meals a day!"
|"Last chance to see these 'abs'"|
I know you were worried, friends, but we got one last shirtless pic of Chris on the day of the final rose ceremony. Thank you, producers. I was really missing the outdoor shower. But before we can get to the end of the road, it's time to visit with Neil Lane! Nice to see you, Neil! Chris picks out the obligatory skating rink (exactly how practical is a 3-carat on a farm?) and sends Neil on his way.
It's the moment we have all been waiting for! "Let's find out together!" says Chris Harrison. I'm sorry, don't you already know who won? Weren't you there? Chris is waiting with the limo, and first out is . . . . Becca, wearing Morticia Addams's shroud dyed crimson. Yiiiiiikes. Poor choice, poor choice. But, we have bigger things to worry about than her dress, because as we know, first out of the limo means you are on the Alone Train to Alonesville, making stops at Ex-Girlfriend Junction and West Breaking Up With You! The producers must know it too, because they don't even make Becca speak first, giving the typical "hail Mary" speech. Chris basically tells her that he would have picked her, but "she's just not ready" and, maybe for the first time in Bachelor history, Becca looks nothing short of relieved. She continues with her flat affect in the limo, intoning boring syllables about her boring choice and how boring she is and how boring this episode has been. Enjoy your fringe medical career, Becca!
All that is left to do is to get Whitney out there and put that ring on it! Whitney comes up and is visibly shaking as she waits, telling Chris, "I love you and I am so scared right now!" You needn't be afraid, toots, because Chris is ready to pack it up and move with you to the farm! After a few minutes, Chris is down on one knee asking Whitney to marry him, and it takes her a hot second to say, "OMG YESSSSSSSSSSS!" And thus ends this season's journey.
Now that that's out of the way, here is a more important dilemma: BRITT or KAITLYN? That's right, everyone, the potential Bachelors are going to choose who gets to be the Bachelorette when the show returns in May! I don't know how I feel about that. Honestly, it would probably be more interesting to watch one of them get eaten by a bear and the other gets to be the Bachelorette, but as that seems unlikely to occur, I'll take what I can get.
It has been a pleasure recapping this season for you, and you can bet I'll be back for more debauchery and crushed dreams come May! Kisses!