Date card! It's a group date for Jackie, LB, Becca, Lauren H, Amber, Mandi, Jojo, Jubilee, Jennifer, and Lace! "Let's learn how to love," says the date card. The montage of Lace getting ready for this date is classic. "If I could make out with Ben on this date, that would be fantastic. I could get the rose, and then get the
The women meet Ben at Bachelor High! After all, high school is where Ben's best memories happened. If he wasn't such a nice guy, I'd be super concerned that his life's highs all came at high school. But the real question is whether or not any of these people dressed appropriately enough to be anywhere near where children are educated. Survey says probably not. "I've never felt this turned on in a high school before," says Jojo, and somewhere Mary Kay Letourneu breathes a sigh of relief. Chris Harrison is also here (going full meta in a Napoleon Dynamite outfit), and the girls will be competing to become Ben's homecoming queen! Because that's not shallow or anything. The girls then proceed to work to make "Ben's volcano erupt," (they meant penis!) bob for apples (red, just like Ben's heart), find Indiana and place it on a map (surprisingly difficult), and making a free throw. Eventually, it comes down to Mandi and Amber, who then have to race to the finish. Mandi, the crazy Portland-ite, emerges the winner to the surprise of everyone, and she and her tiara get escorted off in a mustang! Aww, High school. We don't see any of their coveted one-on-one time, which is sort of surprising, because I would think that Mandi had a lot of quotable things to say.
|Ben's new motto.|
|How Olivia feels about Caila getting the date.|
Datecard! It's a one-on-one for Caila! Olivia is stunned, because she was "clearly the frontrunner." Ok, honey. Before the date, Chris Harrison shows up, and welcomes Ice T and Kevin Hart, here to not shamelessly promote their new movie Ride Along 2. They take Ben aside, and tell him that they are going to take him on an "inexpensive" date to see how Caila reacts. Flowers are purchased from a street vendors, a liquor store is visited, and ultimately, they stop at a hot tub store before Ice T and Kevin peace out, having done their utmost to ensure that women will go with their boyfriends to see Ride Along 2. After dinner, Ben and Caila have a nice conversation about how Ben is "unlovable," and Caila tells the story of her last relationship (conveniently leaving out that she dumped her boyfriend to be on the show). Ultimately, I was pretty let down by the quality of this date. You almost feel sorry that Caila got such a lame one! But whatever, she got the rose. Oh nice, they got a private concert by Amos Lee. I guess that's not that lame.
|"It's where I got my sour smell" - Sam|
At the cocktail party, the usual crop of girls who didn't get dates are feeling anxious about whether or not they'll get enough time with Ben and blah blah. But, that Ben, if he isn't the nicest guy, makes sure that all of the girls he didn't get time with feel special. He prints a picture of himself and Lauren B. from the first night and gives it to her (she says she loves it, but her face says unimpressed), and makes barrettes with Amanda for her kids. Ugh, he's so adorable. Anyway, Olivia manages to further anger the "ladies" by stealing Ben for another make out sesh before they even have time with him, which, of course, makes everyone - particularly Lace - more desperate than anyone could have hoped. When she pulls Ben aside, she further weakens her case that she's not a psycho by insisting over and over again that she is "not crazy." She seems to know that she's in a bad way, because afterward, she cries and says that the Lace "she promised herself would not come out" is here.
|Ben's reaction after keeping Lace.|
But thankfully, it's time to put Lace out of her misery, because it's time for the rose ceremony! Roses are going to Amanda, Jubilee, Lauren B., Leah, Becca, Rachel, Lace (RLY??) LB (but j/k, she leaves. Bye, Felicia!), Emily, Jennifer, Jami, Lauren H., Sushanna, Haley and Amber! This means we are saying a fond farewell to Mandi (Rose Head) Jackie, and Sam as they catch the Alone Train to Alonesville. Good luck, ladies!
Well, that's all there is for this week, Rose Enthusiasts! Until next week, beware of anyone named Dr. Love!