I am not familiar with the sensation.

Downton Abbey, Series 4, Episode 6 Recap! 

Ahem. A breakfast conversation with the Crawley family:

Lady Edith: Anything in the mail? I'm going to need official word on whether or not my life is ruined. 
Lord Grantham: Nope. But your Uncle Harold has made some poor business decisions. 
Lady Rose: Who's Uncle Harold?
Lord Grantham: Cora's lame brother. I've always thought Harold a good businessman, and since I haven't come to grips with the fact that I am clearly no JP Morgan, he must truly be appalling with money. 
Lady Edith: Why in the world would he want your help? Remember when you bankrupted Downton? Twice? 
Lord Grantham: I have no idea. I must skedaddle. 
Branson: We're farming pigs now. 

And with this, plus a few mentions of Robert's upcoming birthday bash, we begin the fifth episode of this season of Downton.

Downstairs Drama

The drama continues between Daisy/Ivy/Jimmy/Alfred, when Alfred gets accepted to cooking school after all! Daisy, who had just been giving Alfred the hottest toast as a reward for staying, is devastated, even though everyone and their dog has tried to tell Daisy that Alfred is clearly just not that into her and whether he stays or not is not going to make him date her, but whatever. Daisy confronts Ivy about this, blaming Ivy and her tart-y ways for driving Alfred away. Yikes. Calm down, Daisy. It's not Ivy's fault that she's way more attractive than you are. When it comes time for Alfred to leave, the downstairs staff gathers to say goodbye, Thomas tells him not to do anything he wouldn't do ("that leaves him a lot of leeway," says Mrs. Patmore), and Daisy does not join the proceedings. Because he's sort of insensitive, Alfred goes into the kitchen and tells Daisy he's sorry he's not attracted to her. Wow. Great. Just what she wants to hear. But, rather than attack him with a kitchen knife (as I would have done), Daisy LOVES it! She wishes him good luck and tells him that she knows he'll be successful. Ugh, Daisy. You are far too easily pleased.

Guess who happened to see Alfred getting on the train while he was laying gravel at the train station? If you guessed, (Eeyore) Molesly, you're a lot savvier than whoever was calling plays for the Broncos offense. The following conversation takes place between Carson and Eeyore.

Carson: Eeyore! What are you doing here?
Eeyore: Well, you know, I was repairing gravel at the station . . . my horrible job, remember? Saw Alfred. He's going to London.
Carson: Your point?
Eeyore: Just wanted to remind you that I totally humbled myself last week and decided to sink to the lowest depths of employment for you and for Downton, so . . .
Carson: Yeah, about that . . . I've no room for egos here.
Eeyore: Er . . . eh. . . .what? I mean, I said I would . . .?
Carson: Peace out, sucka.

Hughes and Patmore, on the other hand, aren't letting Carson off so easily, and the two start scheming a bit of a plan. There's hope for you yet, Eeyore! They invite Molesly to serve the servants' tea, and Carson, who just cannot stand this idea, gives in and welcomes Molesly back into the house. During this little montage, we get a shot of Miss Baxter, who is totally checking him out. A job and a girlfriend? Can Molesly get so lucky?

Jimmy and Ivy enjoy their night off by going to see a Rudolph Valentino picture (who Mrs. Patmore apparently finds quite attractive. Down, girl). However, when Jimmy wants her to um... repay him for his "kindness" of taking her to the cinema, Ivy is appropriately offended, and strands him in the middle of the park. Later, when she tells Mrs. Hughes, Mrs. Patmore, and Daisy about her misfortunes, none of them are sympathetic. Daisy tells her off for not figuring out Jimmy was a creep right away and driving off Alfred in the meantime. Ivy is confused (of course), but Mrs. Hughes (because she's awesome) tells Ivy that "she had that coming." What would these people do without Mrs. Hughes?

Upstairs Inharmony

Edith finally gets some correspondence (and it's not from Mr. Keebler, who has apparently vanished somewhere in Germany), but from the doctor she visited last week, and, to no one's surprise (except maybe hers), there has been a successful union of seed and flower within her, and the first trimester of pregnancy has begun. Ugh. Edith. I told you to borrow that book about birth control from Braithwaite!

Meanwhile, Mr. Napier and his friend Mr. Blake have arrived for their "indefinite" stay at Downton while they assess the various estates in Yorkshire. Mary and Mr. Blake get off on the wrong foot, which clearly means that they'll be in bed by the end of this season, mark my words. I knew we hadn't gotten rid of love interests for her that easily!

Lady Rose has booked Jack Ross's band for Robert's birthday, and honestly, I have no idea what happened during this scene because I was distracted by Jack Ross's voice. My heavens, it was pretty. At the end of the night, Lady Mary goes downstairs to tell the bandleader that Robert will be paying the bill, she walks in on . . . JACK ROSS MAKING OUT WITH ROSE! Right in the kitchen! Ok, it really wasn't that dramatic or that exciting, but I mean, who can blame her? Jack Ross has the voice of an angel! He rescued her from dance floor humiliation! Who wouldn't make out with him? I'll sign myself up right now!

There was also some storyline about the Dowager Countess losing a knife and blaming it on her new gardener, but it was pretty boring. Basically, it was just more sparring between Violet and Isobel, and as much as I love sparring between Violet and Isobel, I want it to be within a story I care about.


MVP Throwaway Moments/Lines:

1) Carson's reaction to finding out the band that Rose has booked for Lord Grantham's birthday includes a black man. Priceless! And Mrs. Hughes congratulating Jack Ross on finding "something about the past Mr. Carson doesn't agree with." I'd watch an entire show with just these two.

2) Violet ringing her bell violently for Spratt during her argument with Isobel.

3) "I wouldn't know. I am not familiar with the sensation" - Violet on being wrong